


What We Deserve

by Saoirse7



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But gets a kiss instead, Exes, F/M, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Pining, Very Minor, featuring a glass of whiskey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25465399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saoirse7/pseuds/Saoirse7
Summary: It had been three years since he’d seen that face and been blessed with that smile. Not that the smile had been the last thing he’d seen; no, Ben had made sure the last thing he saw was eyes brimming with tears and a frown and a quiver on that beautiful mouth.Like an idiot.Or, three years ago, Ben and Rey split. Really, it was for the best. But now, at a friend's wedding, maybe he has a second chance. Modern AU, one-shot
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 24
Kudos: 86
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems





	What We Deserve

Ben stared across the reception hall at table 8, half a glass of whiskey in his hand and a frown on his face.

The subject of his perusal and the cause of the frown was the bright, vivacious brunette chatting animatedly with a man Ben didn’t recognize. She may or may not have been the cause of the whiskey, too, and the one before it.

It had been three years since he’d seen that face and been blessed with that smile. Not that the smile had been the last thing he’d seen; no, Ben had made sure the last thing he saw was eyes brimming with tears and a frown and a quiver on that beautiful mouth.

Like an idiot.

He was startled out of his bitter recollection by a loud greeting and a hand clapped to his shoulder. Poe Dameron _would_ be the first to welcome him. He supposed he should be grateful for the welcome, but couldn’t help but glare at the hand with a follow-up glare at the owner. Poe didn’t move it, unfazed by Ben’s mood, and flashed him a mega-watt smile.

“It’s been too long, Solo! We missed you around here.”

“Right,” Ben deadpanned, then, “You didn’t tell me she’d be here.”

Poe shrugged. He knew, of course, as the Best Man. “You should have known.”

“You should have told me.”

“Why, so you wouldn’t come?” Poe’s eyes flashed with something dangerous before it was hidden again behind his smile. “She’s the only reason you’re here.”

Then he was gone.

Poe was right, he should have known. Rey had been friends with Finn and Rose longer than he had. Of course she’d be here to celebrate with them.

People were starting to take their seats in preparation for dinner. It was time. He walked reluctantly to the table, knowing his seat would be by hers and dreading it. As he drew closer he could hear the man next to Rey getting ready to leave and seized a chance dropped in his lap.

“I’ll trade you,” Ben cut in smoothly as he palmed the placard with his name. “Where are you?”

The man pointed, surprised but pleased. “Next to the blonde at table 3. Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it,” Ben muttered, catching Rey’s eye for a split second and regretting it instantly when he met twin pools of hurt and disappointment. He looked away quickly and didn’t look back.

And when his table was called up to the buffet, he ducked out the door.

Poe would never let him live it down if he left this early, so he topped off his drink and headed to the balcony outside. It was a nice view as the sun set and the city lights twinkled below, with the added bonus of the fresh air to clear his head.

But even all the fresh air and whiskey couldn’t drown the memories swirling in his mind.

The last kiss, her eyes shining in the moonlight. The last fight, when his words cut deep and he watched helplessly as everything they’d built crumbled into ash. The last call, when he put the final nail in the coffin and made sure she wouldn’t want to contact him again, then changed his number to guarantee it.

He was a mess and nothing had changed. She was better off without him.

Chatter from the reception hall swelled and then muted again, and he glanced behind long enough to recognize the girl that had joined him before returning his gaze resolutely to the cityscape. The frown settled back over his face where it belonged.

“You aren’t going to eat dinner?”

Was that concern he heard in her clipped British accent?

He deliberately placed the glass of whiskey on the railing where she could see it.

“Trying to get drunk so you have an excuse to leave?”

She was needling him, probing for a reaction. If she wanted a fight, she wouldn’t get one.

He turned that frown to her momentarily before realizing he couldn’t look at her. Not with the expression on her face. She could ruin him in a second with that look, even after all this time. He grabbed for his security blanket of frustration and deflection.

“Why are you here, Rey?”

“Well, Finn and Rose, they’ve always been—”

He bit back a sigh and interrupted, “No, why are you _here_ ,” he waved a hand in the air, “when you should be inside with your friends?”

He watched her bite her lip out of the corner of his eye as she leaned against the rail. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t leave before I could talk to you,” she murmured.

“And why would you want to do that,” he said flatly.

Her posture straightened and her arms uncrossed. “Maybe because despite your best efforts, I still miss you!” she snapped, turning on her heel and marching away.

He listened to her go, then battled with himself for longer than necessary before making the decision he knew he’d make. With a sigh for no one but himself, he picked up his glass and returned to the hall.

There were still a few people in line for food, so he grabbed a plate and willed himself not to look at her. Not then, not during the long, drawn out speeches, and especially not as the reception moved to the dance floor and people started pairing off for a slow song.

With a huff, he wandered back to his balcony spot. The balcony was no longer empty as other attendees sought a place to get away or grab a quick smoke. He grimaced at the smell and was about to find a different hideout when the voice behind him made him freeze.

“So we’re back out here, huh?” Rey walked up and joined him, elbows on the rail and looking out at the city.

“I am,” he grumbled. “Doesn’t mean you have to be.”

He should be thankful she wanted to talk to him. But he couldn’t help himself. Every time, he pushed her away.

 _Too good_ , the words an endless loop in his mind. Reminding him of the truth no matter how much he wanted to kiss the little frown off her face.

She angled to face him and he could feel the way she studied him. “Was it all bad?” she asked quietly after a long moment, and the question shocked him into meeting her gaze.

He wanted to bluster and shout, demand how she could think that when she had been so good, too good, but the open vulnerability in her expression forced him to bite his tongue.

“No,” he responded instead, keeping his voice level with effort. “It wasn’t all bad.”

She placed a hand over his on the rail. “I missed you,” she said again.

 _I missed you, too_ , he wanted to say, but the words were stuck in his throat. He took a drink.

 _Too good_.

She continued, undeterred by his lack of verbal response. Or maybe encouraged by the fact that her hand still warmed his own. “Where are you at now?”

He briefly considered the pros and cons of responding. But this was just friendly conversation, right? No harm could come from that. “New York. Finished up my Masters in Business Administration and working for a company startup.”

Her eyes lit up as she nodded. “You always wanted to get there. Do you like it?”

 _It’s nothing without you_. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

“I’m happy for you, Ben,” she said, and he knew she meant it.

He cleared his throat to try to dislodge the lump forming. “What about you?”

“Still around here, teaching third grade at a primary school in the suburbs.”

“Yeah?” He heard the interest in his tone the moment the word left his lips and mentally cursed himself. He was the one who’d left and he was the one who’d leave again.

But his body was a traitor, inching closer, traces of a smile on his mouth.

“Yeah,” she repeated, working on a smile of her own. “How long are you in town? Maybe we could get a coffee and catch up.”

Just like that, he felt his barriers slam back up. No. They couldn’t do this.

“I leave in the morning,” he mumbled, pulling his hand from under hers and placing some distance between them. If she was prepared to pretend they hadn’t split the way they did, he’d be happy to remind her.

Maybe happy wasn’t the right word.

He watched her face fall and felt like he’d crushed a flower. _Here it comes_ , he thought. Which would it be? Fight or flight?

“Why do you do this?” she demanded.

Fight, then.

He feigned ignorance. “Do what?”

“Push people away. Heaven forbid anyone want to get close to you, to like you, to love you.”

His eyes widened and she took a sharp breath as she seemed to realize what she’d said. But she set her mouth in a determined line and didn’t take it back.

He frowned. So what if he did push people away? They were better off without him. He kept his _too good_ mantra at the front of his mind. “Maybe that’s best.”

“Best for who? Certainly not you, and not anyone else, either.” Her eyes flashed and she pushed on before he could find a suitable response. “Is that really all you think of yourself? Do you hate yourself so mu—oh.” She cut herself off mid-sentence and stared up at him, where he was still watching her dumbly.

He dimly registered his fist clenching and unclenching at his side, and as his brain fought for the words that wouldn’t make this worse, two phrases rose out of the jumble: _deserve better_ and _not him_.

But as he opened his mouth, she spoke again, quieter, something like realization coloring her tone.

“You think other people should hate you as much as you hate yourself.”

That spurred his tongue into action. “Rey, I’m a mess. Three years hasn’t changed that. You deserve better than what I can give.”

There. He’d said it. Maybe now she would understand.

He expected tears, he expected anger, he expected resignation.

But he didn’t expect a shaky smile as she reached forward to take his hand. “Then you still don’t know what you can give.”

She ran a thumb lightly over his knuckles and he tore his gaze from their hands to meet her eyes. “I don’t—”

She placed a finger over his lips. “Who helped Maz rebuild after the fire?”

“A lot of people,” he said around her finger. Her eyebrows rose pointedly. “I did,” he admitted after a long pause. What was she getting at?

“Who convinced his family to make a generous donation to the orphanage?”

“Never proven,” he muttered. Yet the excitement on her face when she found out dozens of kids wouldn’t have to live in the squalor she was raised in was something he’d never forget.

She huffed but continued. “Who took a stand against that shady business developer who wanted to ‘renovate’,” she placed the word in air quotes with the hand not holding his, “the older district housing?”

“Anyone would have done the same.” He ran a hand through his hair and tried to free his other hand, but she held tight.

“No, not anyone. You. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

“I barely did anything against that developer. I was one bad decision from joining him.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Because of you! You were always the best thing about me.” The words were so natural for him to think that he didn’t consider at first the impact of saying them aloud.

Rey went very still. “You mean that?”

“That you’re too good for me? Yeah, I do.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, Ben. Classic deflection. I thought I was nothing.”

So she did remember. What was this, then? An olive branch? A second chance? It was far more than he deserved. But maybe he could try again, not mess it up this time.

Who was he kidding? Of course he’d mess it up. He always managed to say things in the worst possible way. But still—

“That wasn’t what I meant.”

“Pray tell, what _did_ you mean? I never had the chance to ask.”

He heard the subtle barb layered in her too-casual comment and let it sting. The question wasn’t a surprise. Thankfully, three years of hypothetical conversations had prepared him with an answer.

“You don’t have to worry about the expectations of an influential family. You can be whatever you want, whoever you want, and spit in the face of humble beginnings.”

Her eyebrows rose. “That’s what you meant?”

“No,” he admitted ruefully. “But it’s what I mean now.”

Her eyes darted between his, and he was sure she could hear his heart trying to beat out of his chest. He shouldn’t be giving them this hope, but for once, he thought it might be right.

Suddenly, she darted forward to plant a kiss at the edge of his mouth and backed away just as quickly. He looked down in astonishment and fought the urge to cover the spot like a lovesick teenager.

“Thank you,” she whispered, eyes suspiciously bright.

He tried to form the words for a response but the unexpected kiss had driven any rational thought from his mind, the only thought remaining was how lovely her eyes were, shining in the moonlight, and how soft her lips looked.

Make that two thoughts.

Two thoughts that led to one action.

He brushed his thumb lightly over her cheek and ducked his head just as she went on tiptoe to meet him halfway.

The kiss was everything he remembered and more; how could he have ever walked away from this? From her? This was the most _right_ he had felt in years, here, Rey in his arms.

They broke for air and he couldn’t stop the smile that barely contained the happiness flooding his body and soul.

Rey laughed, a short, breathy thing. “If I’d known that’s what it would take for you to kiss me, I would have done that two hours ago.”

He chuckled but didn’t take his gaze from hers, memorizing anew the way her eyes sparkled, flecked with green and gold. She rested her hand on his chest, which did nothing to calm his racing heart. A small smile showed she noticed.

“Want to get out of here?” Her voice was still a little rough. “I could really go for some ice cream,” she said quickly, a clarifying statement, and he almost rolled his eyes. That wasn’t at the front of his mind, but she _would_ think of food.

Truth, ice cream didn’t sound bad. Only one problem. “Is anything still open?”

“There’s a diner around the corner that’s open 24 hours.”

“Right around the corner?”

She shrugged but his teasing earned another smile. “Or a block or two. Not far.”

“But do they serve ice cream?”

“They have fantastic milkshakes,” she grinned.

—

Ben Solo did not miss his flight the next morning. But he left with Rey’s number and exchanged it for a solemn promise to visit.

And when his company was looking to start a new office a little further west, he was the first to apply.


End file.
